


Dean hates Gods.

by Knotted String (knottedstring)



Category: Supernatural, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Based on a fanart, Crack, Game of Thrones References, Humor, M/M, Mentions of Sex, This Is STUPID, request
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 17:58:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3778075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knottedstring/pseuds/Knotted%20String
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Thor discuss incest over a pint.</p><p> </p><p>Prompt by <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/citrusjava/pseuds/citrusjava">Citrusjava</a>.<br/><a href="https://scontent-lhr.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/t31.0-8/s960x960/1048478_10151394276906184_1715656318_o.jpg">Fanart</a> by Leigh Lahav</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dean hates Gods.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [citrusjava](https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrusjava/gifts).



> Contains SPOILERS for GoT season 4  
> Or ASOIAF book 3.  
> Be warned.
> 
> This was written (and then translated) for my beloved Citrusjava, who is the root for everything SPN in my life.
> 
> I love you, darling!

The phone is making a monotonous ringing tone, and when Sam answers his voice is hushed and urgent. "What?"

"Where are you?" Dean barks into his cellphone, rummaging through Sam's veggies in the fridge to get to the cold beers behind them. In the make-shift living room they arranged in the bunker, he can hear the TV turning on in an ear-shuttering volume.

"I'm in the library." Sam whispers, "What?"

"I told you not to leave me alone with him!" Dean pulls out a bag of rotten lettuce and throws it on the counter with a wince. "What's wrong with the library we got here?"

"The University of Omaha has a great Theology department, and they have a-"

"You're in Nebraska?!" Dean has the sudden urge to stand up and as he does so his head bangs against the open freezer door. "What the hell, Sammy!"

"Uh, Dean, I gotta go. I'll leave soon, sorry." Sam's voice is muffled, like he's talking into his sleeve.

Something collapses in the living room and a deep voice booms "Dean Winchester! Make Haste!"

"Look, Dean, I'll be there in about four hours. Dr. Foster is coming from New York tomorrow, so just keep him busy until we can find that Bifrost thing. Bye." Dean curses Sam into the disconnected phone for about a minute and a half, and then picks up two beer bottles and slams the fridge door with his foot.

He takes a deep breath before stepping into the living room, the TV is still on too loud and he can see all the couch cushions tossed around the room. They should've called Castiel. He throws one cushion back on the couch and sits down heavily, handing a beer bottle to the blonde man next to him. He's huge. A head taller than Dean, at least, and wider even than Sam. His broad shoulders are stretching Sam's biggest flannel shirt, the buttons threatening to pop.

"Beer." Dean mumbles at him without even looking. Every muscle in his body is tingling with the need for action, to be on the road. He doesn't want to sit on the couch with a Nordic god, drink beer and watch stupid fantasy series. Sam would've loved that. Hell, Sam read the book. Dean, on the other hand, feels like their lives have too many fantastical elements as it is.

Thor turns to look at him and Dean shrugs, relaxes only when Thor reaches out for the bottle and takes a drink. Dean doesn't know if gods can get drunk, but he does know that he needs at least one beer. Or three. "Where is Sam Winchester?"

Dean wrinkles his forehead. "Looking for a way to ship you back to your planet, E.T."

"Asgard is not in another planet," Thor protests, and Dean sighs. He should've known. Most gods, like angels, have no sense of humor. "It is one of the nine re-"

"Realms. Yes. Forget it, watch your TV show." The show was Sam's idea. He was the one who decided to room the dense from outer space in their living room while they're trying to find a way to help him, and he was the one who thought amusing him was a good idea to keep him out of looking for adventures elsewhere. The television worked spectacularly. At first they had to physically restrain him from shattering it, and Sam spent a painfully boring hour (for Dean,) trying to explain how it worked and for what purpose, but once Thor got used to it, he was addicted. Again, Dean though, like Castiel. Thor also developed a special liking towards Game of Thrones. Dean wasn't really sure why, nor did he care much. He drove all the way to Superior, Nebraska, just to find a store that had all of the seasons available, and then forced Sam to teach Thor how to work the DVD player. So far, it worked like a charm. Only that Thor wanted company. Dean didn't have much of a choice, and if he were honest with himself he'd rather sit in the bunker with a cold beer in hand, and not search some dusty library in Omaha.

Half an hour into the fifth episode in a row, and Dean is fascinated. He almost forgets Thor presence until he clears his throat and point at the screen. "Are these sorts of relations acceptable here on Earth?"

On the screen, Jaime and Cercei Lannister are embracing next to Joffrey's dead body. Dean's glad he's dead, the little shit. He downs the rest of his beer. "Uh, no. Not so much."

"Since they are brother and sister?" Thor asks, completely serious, and for a second he seems like a five year old trapped in a burly man's body, blonde hair falling on his face and his expression curious.

"Yeah. It's not… Not customary." Dean gets up from the couch and wanders into the kitchen for two more beers. He hands one to Thor when he's back.

"And so, what of your relations with Sam?"

Dean chokes and coughs, spitting beer on the table. "Damnnit, man. We're not…"

"I understand." Thor nods while Dean, still coughing, wipes the beer from his chin. "I have a brother too. Half a brother he may be, but the way he makes me feel… He makes my blood boil in my veins. I see the way Sam looks at you, Dean Winchester. Loki gives me that look often. It is your responsibility as his older brother to fulfill his every need."

Dean can feel his face burning up. Maybe he shouldn't have had four beers that day. And where the hell is Sam. "Look, man, I don't really want to talk to you about Sam's needs."

Thor nods as if he knows exactly what Dean is talking about. "Indeed, the matters of the bedroom are private, no doubt, and by the sounds coming from yours I can rest assured that you're performing well."

Dean buries his face in his hands. "Just… Just keep watching TV. I fucking hate Gods."

Thor, seemingly pleased with the conversation, focuses back on the screen. Dean curses him silently until Sam returns.


End file.
